An Open Letter

In response to this:  Catholic Church Issues Guide on How to Convert Witches

Dear Paranoic Christians,

Plz to stop writing up “guides” on how to “save” people being “lured” into witchcraft.  We aren’t luring them.  In fact, if they’re as flighty as all that, we don’t want them.  We are full up on crazy here, also our exponential growth in the last fifteen years is causing us serious problems which we are having a hell of a time trying to solve.

In related news, plz stop being so cray-cray, such that your flocks are deserting your shepherding in droves and then come a-baaing at our door.  See “exponential growth” above.  Goodness knows, it’s not our sharp marketing campaigns which cause people to come looking.  Have you READ Silver RavenWolf?  We don’t even proselytize, and yet we have more people than we can handle, while you are hemorrhaging congregants.  We respectfully suggest that it is due to something you are doing and is therefore your own damn fault, not ours.  To be specific, you might look into that child raping problem you seem to have.

KTHXBUHBYE,

The Witches

PS.  Harry Potter is not a Pagan.  If anything, he’s Church of England.  I can see how you would be confused.

This entry was posted in Ethics, The State of the World. Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to An Open Letter

  1. Miss Maya says:

    Holy CRAP I just died laughing. This is good….. REAL good….

    M

  2. Wendy C says:

    ohh Snap!

  3. G says:

    Sara wins. Again.

  4. Alanna says:

    I wish I could hug this blog post. And buy it a beer.

  5. It IS your blog! MY you made me laugh today! Thank you!

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  8. Sulien says:

    Thank you for this, I needed a good laugh this morning! I love how you managed to not only make us laugh, but also rub a few noses in issues that should be dealt with.

  9. Roisin says:

    Too funny!
    Thanks for this!

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  11. paganmom says:

    Tell it like it is! Thank you for representing!!!
    Blessed be

  12. Alyssa says:

    I read this out loud to my husband, a pastor, and he laughed so loud he scared the cat! Good letter!!!

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  14. eadon of the grove says:

    Now that’s some tasty blogging with a beautiful dash of the irreverent and smile worthy.

  15. Muddy Turtle says:

    I read this out loud to my wife, a pastor, and she laughed so loud she scared the ferrets!
    Love it!!

  16. Adrian Kruger says:

    I love this blog entry, had me laughing. Would you mind overly much if I posted a link to this entry in my LJ blog?

    • admin says:

      Go right ahead. This is a magazine blog, not a personal one, plus I am of the opinion that if you post stuff on the Internet you should expect people to see it :)

  17. M. Mitchell Marmel says:

    Bravissimo! Forwarded to Facebook… :D

  18. Doodette says:

    The fact they can’t burn people at the stake for not converting any more might also have something to do it.

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